Well my grandma lost her battle with cancer at 3am this morning. She made it to our wedding and died less than a month later.

I'm going to miss her so much, she meant the world to me. I was the first born grandchild and was therefore the golden child. We shared a bond that no one else could understand and that everyone else was jealous of. A part of me has died today but I know she would want me to go on, she was one of the strongest people I knew.

Grandma, I promise to make dipping eggs for my kids just like you did for us, I promise to look after the sapphire ring and the pearls you gave me on my wedding day and I promise that you will never be forgotten.

I love you grandma more than words could ever express, i'm sure going to miss you.

My sisters fiance' died Monday morning 7/5/2007 in a tragic bike accident.

He was 32, had a 7 year old daughter from a previously relationship and was part of the Bandidos Motorcycle club.

My responsibility as an older sister has always been to protect the little one but how can I protect her from this pain, how can I stop her suffering and tell her everything is going to be ok, it's not, and it won't be for a very long time.

We went to the viewing on Monday night, he was so cold to touch, he was just lying there motionless, eyes slightly open with his arm stiff with rigor mortis, I just kept expecting to sit up or move his arm or something.

My little sister will never be the same again and I hurt for her beyond explanation.

He was a much loved man with a beautiful soul, he will be sadly missed by everyone.

R.I.P KENNY, Sleep well

Current Mood: indescribable

I am so sick of waking up with headaches and a sore neck. I HATE OUR BED!!!
I can not wait for the day we can chuck that piece of crap mattress in the bin.

In other news, plans for the wedding in October are coming along nicely, my grandmothers chemo is working (yay! does a little dance), oh and did I mention I hate our bed?

I went to Sydney on the weekend to visit my grandma, my sisters and I met her at the hospital 9:30am on Friday morning. By the time we got there they already had her hooked up to the monitors and had the new blood entering her veins. It was amazing watching her transform over those few hours from pale and weak to someone who had enough energy to hold a conversation and laugh about things.

She got all teary when I arrived and I told her not to cry or she would make me start. It is so sad to see someone who is usually so strong sitting there so weak and fragile. I think the hardest part to deal with is knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make them any better. Other than being there for my grandma, holding her hand and telling her how much I love her there is nothing else I can do and that kills me.

It was hard saying goodbye to her when I had to go home, she got all teary again and all I wanted to do was stay because I knew it would make her happy.

My father is an absolute mess, he has been dealing with this in the usual way he deals with his emotions by either drinking till he can't drink anymore or taking his anger out on everyone around him. I know that all he wants to do is break down and cry but I think he is afraid that if he starts he won't stop and he feels he needs to remain strong for us kids. All we can do is try to understand what he is going through and love and support him through this.

It's hard living interstate, they are always on my mind and whilst I know I can call them whenever I want it's just not the same as being able to hug them and tell them I love them. I feel as though I am missing so much of their lives and as though I have deserted them living so far away.

Well, the news has gotten worse.

The results of her blood test came back and her white blood cells are very low, they are rushing her in for a blood transfusion on Friday morning.

Things are not looking good.

Current Mood: numb

Excuse me CANCER could you please FUCK OFF and leave my family alone. Quite frankly I'm getting sick of the pain and hurt you keep causing us.

My grandma was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks ago and after undergoing extensive tests we were given the final verdict today. It's in both lungs and has already spread to her liver. She was told that without chemo she would only have about 2-3 months left, if she has the chemo she may be able to stretch it out to 12 months.

My grandma and I are extremely close and I am so scared for her right now. When I lived in Sydney i would visit her every second weekend. When I told her I was moving to Melbourne she cried and made me promise to call her weekly and I still do.

She goes in for her first chemo session on Monday but they're not sure how well she will take to it so I want to make sure I see her before she starts the chemo. I have booked a flight to Sydney for Thursday night so that I can spend the weekend with her.

All she keeps saying is "I'm not ready to die yet" and "I never thought I'd go like this".

The hardest part to deal with is the fact that she was always the healthy one in the family, she never smoked, hardly ever drank and apart from a common cold each winter she never got sick.

Life is just too short and too painful!

Current Mood: sad

I haven't posted in a long time but I really need to get this out of my system.

Lifes not been so good lately... Last week was shit and this week has started off just as bad.

Tuesday last week was breaking point.
Someone at work said something that was totally out of line and unjustified and it finally made me snap. I picked up my bag and walked out with the intention of not going back. Had it of not been for a work mate lending me an ear to vent and a manager who generally wanted me to stay then I would currently be out of work.

So Wednesday I go back to work face the music. My boss sits me down tells me that the person has been "spoken" to and advised she was out of line. We then try to work out ways of reducing my work load so that I am not stressing about it every waking moment of the day.
Made it through Wednesday alive and with a job.

Thursday about 2:30 get a phone call from jay's work saying he has been taken to St Vincents casualty dept by ambulance. So again, grab my shit run out of work and drive to the hospital. His blood pressure had reached 160/110, he got really faint, weak and had heart pulpitations so that had him hooked up to all these monitors. He was doing much better by the time I got there but that probably had a lot to do with the drugs they had him on. They ran test after test then finally at 9:30pm i left him there and went home to get some sleep.

Friday morning, drive to the hospital to pick up Jay as they said he would be discharged in the morning. Get to the hospital and he looks 10 x worse than when I left him. Turns out he got worse through the night and they had him dopped up on so many pain killers etc that he could barely speak a word. Anyways, he had a really saw back so at about 8:30am they said they were going to send him off for some x-rays, I rang my work said I should be there by lunch time. Waiting, waiting, waiting, finally at 2:30 they come and take him for x-rays, I ring work to say i definatley won't be going in. The result of the x-rays come back at 3:30 and they finally let me take him home.
I get him into the car, drive to his work and call one of the girls to bring his bag down so that he can get his wallet and phone. She comes down i turn the car of, Jay tells her what the docs said etc so that she can let work know what is happening. I go to start the car to drive home and the fucking battery is dead. I have Jay in the car who has just gotten out of hospital and is still totally doped out and the god damn battery in the car dies! I call holden assist, someone comes within about 10 minutes thankgod, they jump start the car for us then leve. Jay tells me to go around the corner and get a new battery straigt away, we get the new battery and the guy did a test and found out that we are lossing half a volt somewhere and need to get it looked at soon.
So finally after all the mucking around, i get Jay home to bed at about 5pm.
Then my mum calls, my dog went to the vet last week as she was unwell and now my mum tells me that she is coughing up blood. Fuck, seriously can it get any worse.

Saturday, we rested for most of the day and took a leisurley drive as I didn't want Jay doing anything to stressful.

Sunday we wake up, it's a lovely day we pack all our snorkel gear and go down to Sandringham pier for a snorkel, it was lovely and relaxing. It started to get a bit choppy by about 4:30 so we decided to get out and head home.
I get home, make some dinner, sit down then my mum rings, my dog has gotten worse. Now she is coughing up alot of blood. I tell my mum it is time to let her go.

Monday, My dog is put down...
I have had her since I was 11 years old, I had to leave her behind in Sydney when I moved to Melbourne and I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her.
She was the constant in my life, when I had problems she sat with me and just listened, she loved me unconditionally and in return I loved her with all my heart.
Mum had to take her to the vet and she sat with her right through to her last breath. The worst thing of all is that my mum and I live so far apart, I can't even be there to hold my mum and tell her it's going to be alright.

So that has been my life lately... fucking sucks.

So far in the last 3 months I have lost both my dad's dog and my own little girl. I know we always out live our pets but that doesn't make it any easier to have to say goodbye to them.

R.I.P Caramel... you will be sadly missed baby girl.

Yesterday was fantastic.

My mum sent a dozen long stem roses to my work, i got phone calls all day from friends and family, one of my work mates baked me a fresh loaf of bread and wrote me a beautiful card, I came home to another card and CHOCOLATE MUD CAKE! and I had yummy Japanese for dinner. Not to mention my family putting money into my account so I can buy myself something "nice".

My Grandma rang up having a panic attack and apologising profusely because she hadn't been able to get to a mailbox to post my birthday card to me yet. My Grandfather had always done the driving but since his massive operation she can't get around anymore. All I could do was laugh and tell her to stop being so silly. I love my Grandma.

I have such wonderful family and friends.

Some bastard stole my bike!

Jay and I had our bikes chained up together out the back and some bastard came along, cut the chain and stole my bike. Supprisingly they left Jay's behind, so at lest we will only need to buy 1 new one.

I supppose we expected it given the number of junkies around here these days, seems you can't escape them anymore.

Karma will get them... if I don't first.

I opened my email yesterday and found this...


"CONGRATULATIONS, you have been accepted as one of the designers for Nocturnal Instincts 2006"


Yesterday I was elated and today I am shitting my pants.

So much work to do.

Current Mood: nervous

Can anyone recommend where to purchase PVC in Melbourne or on the net???

I have had a hell of a time trying to find the stuff and when I do it is only that really thin stretchy crappy stuff.

I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to ask for help on this subject and stop trying to be so self reliant.



I need a web site...



For this I believe have to purchase a domain name and a web host.


Any suggestions who to use??? Oh and how much is this going to cost me???

Are any of you savvy with designing websites, If so, if I purchase said items can someone put "site under construction" up on it until I get a chance to design what I want???

Sorry if I sound like a complete dumbarse, but I have no idea what to do.


ANY HELP WOULD BE GREATLY APPPRECIATED

Well I finally got off my arse and registered my business name.


RAZORBLADE KISSES


Now all I have to do is get a website up, finish my portfolio, make some stuff,
take some desent pics of what I have made, etc etc etc

I think I may have bitten off more than I can chew.

I guess I'm a true Aries after all, it's all or nothing baby.


Wish me luck

Current Mood: excited

Bored at work, typed in HOW TO in a google search and came across this.

http://users.bigpond.net.au/wanglese/Alien_recipes.html

Quite amuseing.

Current Mood: amused

Well many things have been happening this last week.

*Purchased tickets for Sydney trip, i will be there on Saturday 4th June, Jay will follow on Thusday 9th.


*Purchased tickets for NIN at Rod laver arena.


*Had Vera and Kane over from New Zealand staying at our house on Saturday night, took them out for dinner, Nellie and Alex came along. It was so great seeing them.


Had my Mum ring me to tell me that my Aunty DJ's house burnt down and there is nothing left. The nearest shop is 52 kms away and is a service station, hense no fire brigade to put the fire out.
I rang my Aunty DJ to make sure they were ok, I found out that it happened in the middle of the night while they were asleep and they only just managed to get out in time. FUCKING SCARY SHIT. It was started by electrical wireing in the laundry.
They escaped with the clothes they were wearing and that's it, their wedding photos are all gone, all my aunties jewellery and my great grandmothers solid wood bedroom sweet from the late 1800's burnt to a crisp. But at least they are both alive and unharmed.

The only loss of life were the 3 kittens that were asleep in the laundry. Although it is quite sad it is amazing that there wasn't more as my aunty and uncle have 8 cats, 9 dogs, a cockatoo, 2 horses, heaps of chickens, pea hens, geese ducks, peacocks and about 100 head of cattle, the list goes on.

Anyway made me think i'd better get off my arse and look into some type of contents insurance, what we have isn't special but if we lost it all we would spend years trying to replace it.

Current Mood: blah

I'm quite over life at the moment.

I have come to realise that it is impossible trying to keep everyone happy and that no one really understands or cares about the pressure that gets put on you trying to do so.

At the moment everyone can go and get fucked, because i have seriously had enough!

I was yelled at and abused last night and today by some of the people closest to me who i thought would understand. Obviously i was wrong.

If removing myself from the situation is the only answer then so be it.

Some BASTARD thought it would be a great idea to walk on our car whilst it was parked outside Jennelle's place last night.

THERE ARE 6 HUGE DINTS IN OUR CAR!!!

They walked from the rear right over the top, on our sunroof and then proceeded to jump down on the bonnet.
Jay and i woke up this morning, got in the car and drove to the real estate to pick up the keys to our new apartment and when we got out of the car we noticed it.

They were wearing about a size 10 converse shoe, which was easily definable because of the loveley shoe prints they left all over our car.

To say i am extreamly pissed is an understatement!

We have just singned the lease on our new appartment and now we have to fork out money to the insurance company to get our car repaired.

Fuckkkk!!!

Current Mood: pissed off

ONLY TWO MORE SLEEPS TILL EARTHCORE!!!

Current Mood: excited

Life is just way too fucking short and way too hard to deal with.

Current Mood: depressed

Friday would have to be the best day i've had since i don't know when.

Went to my boring shit house job, left at lunch time and went for an interview.
The interview went extreamly well and i was offered a job on the spot. My starting wage will be $85 a week more than what i'm getting now, it's a desk job so no more standing for 8hrs a day destroyingy my knee.
Went back to work and quit on the spot, gave them one weeks notice as that is all the enterprise agreements states. I'm free!!!!!!

Went home, pteropid and i got ready and went out to psychonaut for gothsuck's birthday celebrations.
Had the fucking best night... I got to see darkfilo who i've missed terribly, got trashed, danced, talked, laughed my arse of at the gorgeous gothsuck talked some more and left at 5am. Went back to cold_echo's and crashed for an hour then went to work (what was i thinking).

After work i went back to cold_echo's ordered a huge amount of food for us and stuffed our faces till we could eat no more.
pteropid and i finally left cold_echos's place and got home at about 1am Sunday morning.

Today i woke up at about 1pm then went to casey arc for a swim, spa, steam and sauna, the perfect end to an unreal weekend.

I would just like to say that cold_echo is a total FUCKING LEGEND for without her i would never have gotten the new job and would not of had such a fucking unreal weekend. WINNER!!!

Current Mood: ecstatic

Life at the moment isn't going all that well.

I have just found out that i have degenerative arthritis in my knee, i suppose that explains all the pain i've had over the last year.

I absolutley hate my job and dread waking up in the morning knowing that i have to go back to that place. The fact that it's retail and i have to stand on my feet for 8hrs a day doesn't help the pain in my knee either.

I have my first ever uni exam on wednesday and am shitting myself bcause if i don't pass the exam then i fail the whole unit.

Something has to give because i don't know how much more shit i can take.

I have to find myself a new job and get my life back in order.

Current Mood: depressed

I handed in my first ever uni assignment and passed.

I rock!!!

Current Mood: accomplished

More pics of pteropid and I from the family photos in february.
I usually hate photos of myself but these turned out quite well.



( Read more... )

Jay won't be too impressed that i have posted this but it is too good not to.

We had fmily photos taken in february.
This is one of the shots of jay and i, i get the others later in the week.

http://kitty7s.mypicgallery.com/

Current Mood: lethargic

We are heading to SYDNEY this weekend coming. (28th and 29th)

pteropid and i would like to try and organise to have lunch together with some friends before we head back to Melbourne on sunday.

Let me know if any of you aren't busy so i can try to organise something.